Pop the pimple

My face has been breaking out so much :( there are like pimples, zits and my pores that look more visible, which sucks. I just figured that I don't drink as much water as I have last time, so I really gotta invest in a nice bottle. Haih. Drinking jasmine tea after some nice yong tau foo dinner. Very thankful and blessed to have a roof over my head and for my loving caring family providing me with comfort and food. I just wish for all of us to live happily in the best of health and safety at all times. So yeah, a lot of things have happened. For an example, I just sat for my IELTS speaking test, I would just say it was OK. I did my best. Man, did I try to rack my brain to find the right things to say. The questions I got were tough, especially the second part, like what is the most difficult decision you had to make and what was the outcome of that. And like what do you think of the past lifestyles compared to now? What are the everyday choices adults and children have to make, and what are the differences. What the flying fly. Well. She wasn't very friendly or open either. Was probably dying to go to the loo because right after I went out the door there she was, I wanna take a break. Honestly, I do not blame her but damn it was so intense. I just hope I get a score above 6. At least. 

Went out with Jess last week, it was so impromptu and fun. We went to Midvalley and basically chill around. I was so broke that she actually spent the whole day for me which was pretty sweet of her. I owe her RM20 lol. Anyway, we had KFC because I had to save and that was the only fast food outlet open ( but we kinda forgot there was a McD outlet on the top floor) so we just chat all the way, catching up on the news. It was so good really. Had froyo from Llao Llao for the first time, I don't get the hype of it. Seriously. But oh well, she liked it so I had to try it. Like c'mon, there were so many people snapchatting about it I thought it'd be as good as McD's vanilla ice cream. But yeah, pretty good day filled with laughter and nonsense. Will be seeing her soon because I have to return the IELTS book to her after I am done with my exams. Wish me luck. I need it like seriously. Tomorrow I gotta hardcore revise without any distractions.

Hehe

Probably one of the most epic moments of our friendship <3 

Moving on to one of the most satisfying achievements of my life. I baked an actual birthday cake. An actual order, omg. I am so thankful to be able to get this opportunity because it really strike my passion in baking more desserts. To see the end result is just perfect. And I would say this is very successful, my whole family enjoyed it. My client who is actually my senior teacher, Ms. Lily, said it was good. I am so pleased. Especially when this is like my first time!!

The Best Chocolate Cake Ever with buttercream frosting with colorful dinosaur sprinkles and oreos.

Here is the complete lookbook for the cake ahahaah, I am so glad :')

Hands Down

I cried just now. These tears just seem to come down so naturally. I guess it has been awhile since I have cried, so it is okay. I was alone in my room and all of a sudden I get such horrible thoughts bout the past and my current situation. I feel like I have fucked up big time. Or is it just the people around me making me feel like I have done something so completely wrong. Up till today, I'm still trying to convince myself to let go of dietetics with nutrition. Looking up and researching more into it, I feel that it is a little lifeless. I would not be able to further to go anywhere because it is indeed tough. To maintain a license over the years and take the regulatory exams? Not forgetting to mention the internship. Even though, I had the lovely opportunity to bond with my dear colleagues over the weekend with some cake and juice at Just Heavenly @ BSC, I know that I should just believe in myself that I will be able to do it. I have been doing that all this while. I really don't want to have to rethink about my actions about the night before my Human Physiology exam. I just know that I had the wrong study method. It just didn't apply to me when I did the questions in EOS. However, I know for sure that for the other three papers, I kicked ass. Look, I may not be an excellent naturally born smart science stream student but I struggled and strive for it. I fucking went through SPM. I went through FiS. The results really show that I worked hard. Like really really hard even though it was not great but it was better. Yeah, I may have disappointed many. I may have been looked down on but I never gave up. I tried. There were many times where I have felt so low in the darkest hour. I question myself why am I here. What did I do to deserve this. But it is really all on me. I don't blame anyone. I just want to move on and just live.

Anyway, I cried because I just felt down. Not that any of my past memories triggered me, I was simply just listening to some songs and it just made me think about my current situation. What can I do to make it better? All I want right now is success. With success I need money so I want to be able to give it my all to be the best assistant educator or teacher per say to my students. Maybe to be able to get another part time job. I guess tomorrow I will go job hunting. And to revise my IELTS practices. Hah, as I am typing this down, my stomach is giving me the gas and I am sweating so so much. I can't wait to have my long hair back again. I don't feel as confident as I have in the past. Good thing is that I still like my hair color, I don't think I would go for any other since it is in trend somehow. Oh well, having too much of a long hair length is hard to maintain too. All in all, I just want to be happy. I want to beautiful, smart, caring and just someone whom others can look up to. Work has been pretty good so far, I would say that I am enjoying it? In my own way of course, I'm not tired of it. It's like helping out in a way. Everyday is a different challenge. I don't feel proud in a sense that I am boasting that it's such a simple task everyone can do it but no, I feel that it really is different to others. I do love children. I love caring for them and making sure that they understand and do not ever give up. I hope that I have been a help to them, and in making this company and kindergarten grow to be a very successful business. I will be here for the next four years anyway so they have been really lovely and welcoming to me. Thankfully, I have Niki there with me. That is all, hope that with time, I will look back on this post and lmao. Much love as always. Sometimes I wish I didn't have such a soft and kind heart, I don't want to ever change. Because...I love myself just the way I am today. You have no idea how much I have changed. And it makes me somehow a lil proud that I have come this far. Writing this down tears me up. I will be okay. Thanks again.

New Chapter + Fitness + Dancing Fish @ BSC

Hey, I'm back sooner than I thought I would be, and I guess that's because I wanted to record this experience down. So this would already be my second week of working. I would say so far so good. I have never heard anyone commenting that being a kindergarten teacher is an easy job to do. Every morning, I would wake up with this sense of responsibility and an attitude to adapt as fast as I can in this ever so changing environment. Not one day it is the same. I guess that's what I like and enjoy most of. Not forgetting the children there who play a part too. Yesterday, Nikki and I had to stay back awhile for a short meeting to discuss on the sport's activities. It went well, just had to make some changes. I really wanted an activity that involved water however, the place that were to be set up wouldn't allow it. So boohoo. Nevertheless, they said we helped alot as they were running out of ideas and needed some tweaking of the new ones. It actually made me feel pretty glad that I was able to help out. Moving on to the past week's agenda!

On a super hot Wednesday afternoon, after work, I drove to IMU to pick up an IELTS activity book from Jess. If it weren't for her, I don't think I would have expected the papers to be like this. So far, I have only completed the first exam. There are five more to go and here I am just about to turn 10PM. Just not feeling too good right now actually sigh. A little while after that, found Felice and Vicknesh and drove to New Chapter by Owl's Cafe. I wasn't really too excited about the place as I have seen many pictures of it on instagram. The food did not disappoint though, same same as the owl's cafe. The session was alright. Just catching up on current plans and situations. Mainly bitching about others and prom ahaha. I hope I remember. I honestly do feel that we aren't as tight anymore but I know that we would always try to keep in contact with each other. They didn't really seem as supportive or encouraging in what I am doing but it doesn't matter because it is my life. Not that their opinion really matters, but I guess I thought better.

Besides that, I have also been talking to Yoong recently. I really miss talking to him. I feel sad when he's down because I know he has a soft heart. I hope things would really get better with time and I believe it does! I'm still on the way there to improve and work on myself. Selfishly, I want to be beautiful and to be able to take care of myself. Hah, talking about taking care of myself, I only applied to one cafe which is Olfactory Bulb but they said they didn't need part-time workers at the moment for April but might need an extra pair of hands in May only on the weekends. I could consider that but I would only be able to work in May as my degree commences in June. So I don't think it would be possible for me to juggle two jobs when I am studying. So yeah. Gonna rely on my pay from the kindergarten? Money is so important to me. And that's why I will earn it!!!

OOTD

TOP: FOREVER 21

SKIRT: BANGKOK

I am actually quite surprised by the result of this picture as we only took two LOL. We celebrated Teachers' Day at the Dancing Fish in BSC because my boss wouldn't be around in May. It was kinda awkward at first but in a lil while later, it got a lot better. Depends on who would really want to laugh along and make silly jokes. I'm so grateful for this experience honestly. The food 10/10. Local home-cooked kinda style? I ate way over my limit though. Still, the bosses were very generous with their portions. Soon after, the bunch of us teachers went window shopping at the grocery section. I literally absorbed the ambience of the bread shop. It was so so so so so lovely. Cookies were like an inch thick! Coffee smelt so good there. Muffins freshly baked from the oven. Which inspired me to make my own at home hmph. One of it costs nearly RM7. Insane. But I'm pretty sure they used high quality ingredients, oh well. Bought 3 sticks of butter. Will be baking them chocolate cookies again! :)

Missing out Nikki :(

Once again, thank you so much for letting me be a part of the team. Till then! Goodnight!

Toasty

I tried. Well, up to now, everything is falling into place. It's the month of April already. Crazy shit fast. If I were to compare to what I did last year, I'm just stunned. I know I'm better than this. I have realized that I stopped caring. That I don't really have a care about the world except for my family and I. Here I am, saying that I am absolutely grateful for my supportive and caring family. Each and everyone member of my family have influenced and shaped me to the person who I am today. Not forgetting about the people who have deeply hurt me. All in all, what is important is that I have learnt my lesson and choose to be happy. I stopped being positive and loving to myself because I felt that I was doing everything wrong. Thankfully, time has a part to do. 

First thing first, currently I am working full-time as an assistant educator in Krisaliz Kindergarten. My own kindergarten! I feel extremely blessed to be offered this job, and I was interviewed by Ms.Ng who was my teacher. There were the previous staff as well who has been working there ever since, what really surprised me was that they remembered me. It was because of the way my name was spelled and that I was associated with Simon and Melissa along with my sister. They remembered mom too as a super nice lady. So I have been working there for a week already and it's pretty cool. Relaxed and steady. It's important that you love being around children if not don't even think about signing yourself up for this course. 

The outlook and prospects of this course and career is bright. That's why I really am into it. Right. I will be starting my degree course of BA (Hons) Early Years in SEGI College Subang Jaya. Again, I was really attracted to this one because the modules stood out, interesting and straight cut specialized. Not only that, the awarding institution is by University of Greenwich, UK. This course is completely done in Malaysia which would really save a lot of cost for my parents especially when my dad is the breadwinner of the family and my sister would be furthering her studies in Canada soon. So it's pretty great. I have also made a new friend, her name is Nikki Lee and such a super coincidence that she is the same age as my brother and I know her sister as well. It really does feel that the jigsaw puzzle of my life is slowly connecting one by one. I know I will do great in this course.

Last weekend, my family and I except my brother, went to Yellow Brick Road for brunch. My sister's treat! It was quite lovely, had some sweet mash potatoes, avocado mix and two poached eggs on rye bread. Honestly, my first and last time there, I do not understand what the hype is all about. After that, we went to Bangsar Village II, I was with my dad the whole time and I felt comfortable about that. Dad bought a new pair of slippers and socks from Aldo. A little while after that, we had latte at this burger restaurant because it was the only place that allowed smoking lol. We talked about this course and my life. Oh man, I am so glad that we had that talk. I just felt more at ease. So, he had fully paid my course for three years in advance so I would have to do really well. Perseverance and hard work is key. I know I can do this. I will.

I guess my plans for now is to really give it my all. I am 20 years old. By the time I'd graduate is when I am 23 years old but to only get the certificate when I am 24 years old. I know I didn't need to write that out but since I am already here why not. I would work in the kindergarten full time, studying full time. My pay isn't really that high so I was thinking of getting another job, since right now it is all about saving money. I want to be able to travel around the world. Show that I am indeed independent. As of now, I also would have to prepare for my IELTS exam. Minimum band score of 6. This coming Wednesday, I will be going to IMU to see my friends and collect a book from Jess. Settle some financial stuff. Passed my DN books to Ceymone to help me sell it off to juniors. 

I want to live that minimal life. I have been getting rid of useless things in my room. I would say it's pretty good. I just need to let go of that attachment of clothes. I do not need shoes. I do not need any more new clothes. Don't even need new lingerie. I have been thinking of investing in skincare. A new moisturizer, lip liner. Uhm yea. Besides that, I just need to be more confident about myself. I keep comparing myself to these instagram girls. Then again, I have been taking a lot more naps instead of working out. Haih. It really is all about saving money right now. I am so practical lol. Baked some chocolate cookies yesterday too! I just need to rebake them to make it more crispy. Should have not rushed it. After this, I am probably gonna make some tea. Then head to bed. I have work tomorrow. 

Ciao, I hope after reading this, what I have planned will come true. I am always very thankful for that God listens to my prayers. Thank you for blessing my family and I with the best of health, wealth, safety and happiness at all times. Goodnight.

TOP: Kitschen

SKIRT: Uniqlo

BAG: Bangkok