Respect

I'm not a giver. I'm not a follower. And I am definitely stubborn.

I don't think it's fair that I should always follow people's orders ( a.k.a not in the sense of leadership or anything but yeah whatever ) I am actually suppose to listen and pay attention to what people say. Take in it mind and stuff. Well, forgive me if I did not. But accusing and assuming of all the damns I have done in my past will not fucking change anything. I hate it when I am being reminded of what has happened. Yet, you use it against me. Like my own will is actually deteriorating because of this. Heck, I am not blaming anyone, I'm just simply saying why you gotta freaking bring it up again. It was as if I have forgotten my place but I didn't. I have been trying to make amends and helping around tons. Now this happens.

You give up. I didn't. You say a lot things when your mind and tongue is on fire. That's what I see, all that I have done is never enough to cover. Even the past, my past is long and dead gone. All I remember and know is to move forward. I swear, I am trying to forget it. I have even forgiven myself and the other party. Fucked up over a lot of things. Can't help crying. But then by the  next day, it will be alright. It was only in for the moment but the mind stays traumatized, angry and somehow suicidal. What I do? I just keep my life simple and forget all about it.

Forgetting is like therapy. It's easy to forget the matter that hurts but what is hard is that comes back like dejavu. Emotionally and physically tired. Both of us are. And I'm ready to face it all again. Maybe I feel stronger and better once I accept it. But it's been so damn long already. I made a mistake and I'm bound to be vulnerable at times. This time now, I truly understand. So much for thinking I could fix this when in fact I'm not the one with the issue, temper and all.

"No matter how hard the past, you can always begin again. " - Buddha